I’m so sorry you find yourself here. Having to plan your child’s funeral is a pain for which there are no words. The experience is never the same for any two people: some are in shock and need someone else to plan it, some will obsess over every detail. The important thing is to be gentle with yourself because you’re going through the unimaginable.
The ideas below can also be used as inspiration for a memorial celebration. A memorial is a great option in situations such as:
- at the time you didn’t realize you could have a funeral for a baby
- the hospital handled the arrangements
- you don’t have a physical baby to bury (early loss)
- you were not prepared to have a ceremony at the time of the burial
Just know that you are allowed to remember your little one however you feel is right.
Support system
This is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, it’s ok to ask for help. Do you have a family member or a friend that can help you with tasks? Ask for help, send them this list if you can’t handle planning it.
Guest list
This is a tricky step. Do you keep it small and intimate? Do you invite everyone you can in hopes of maximizing support? There’s no right answer. Make the best decision you can in the moment.
Program
The length of your ceremony can vary depending on what you’d like to include. We’ve included the below program template to inspire you. Your funeral director may have more suggestions as well.
- Opening song
- Words of welcome
- Prayer
- Poem
- Eulogy 1
- Song
- Eulogy 2
- Prayer
- Homily
- Song
- Farewell prayer
- Exit song
Suggestions
- You can use your favourite children’s books as readings during the ceremony
- Incorporate your nursery theme if possible to personalize the ceremony
- Involve those closest to you by asking them to read one of the prayers/poems
- It’s hard to write a eulogy for someone with such a short life. You can talk about the pregnancy, dreams you had for their future or even read a letter you’ve written to your baby
- Think about what you’d like to have buried/cremated with your baby. Baby book, toy, family photo, letter from parents, piece of a wedding dress…
Details
- Decide ahead of time who will carry the coffin or urn
- Decorate the area around the coffin/urn with pictures of your baby if you have, Hand/foot prints, sonogram pictures even bump pictures
- Display any special outfits or toys that you might have. They will add a special touch.
- Some flower arrangement ideas: teddy bear, angel wings, heart
- Little touches you can add at the end of the ceremony/burial: throwing dissolving confetti, blowing bubbles, releasing balloons.
- Keepsakes can be given out in honour of your baby. Many funerals give out the traditional bookmark with poem but you can give out flowers, a candle to burn in memory of your baby, a painted rock to place in their garden.
We hope this helps inspire you. These are hard decisions so just do the best you can in the moment.
With love,
From Michael