Anticipating the Loss of a Baby

I’m so sorry you find yourself on this page. Being told that your precious little baby/ies won’t stay, that you can’t help them… it’s impossible to process. Remember that there’s no textbook for this, however you’re feeling is normal and however you’ve decided to proceed is ok. 

I’ve been there, I know the wait is unbearable and you can’t think straight but you also want to make the most of these last days/weeks with your baby. The following are things you can do during this time that will create memories which will help you through the hard grief days ahead. 

Record your baby‘s heartbeat
When given horrible news during an ultrasound, parents and the medical staff focus on next steps and often forget the traditional ones like printing pictures or recording heartbeats. If possible, get an audio recording. You can save it on a small voice recorder and place it in a memory bear or turn it into sheet music that can be used at a tattoo or artwork for your home. 

Get a 3D ultrasound
If you’re given a fatal diagnosis, this is a great opportunity to see your baby alive. It will be a bittersweet moment but you will cherish these photos forever. 

Note your cravings
Do they like chocolate ice cream like mom, or pizza like dad? Take note of little details during your pregnancy, it will help you imagine what their personality would be like. Do they kick only at night? Maybe they’re a night owl like grandpa! There’s nothing scientific about it but you’ll be faced with so many “what if” questions that these little bits will help you through these grief waves.

Sing to them, dance with them, eat your favourite foods
They might not be here for long but they are here now so don’t hesitate to make memories. Sing them a lullaby at night, make that old family recipe and tell them about their heritage while preparing it… Do your favourite activities (if it’s safe while pregnant of course) and snap a selfie too. 

Go to a beautiful place
Your favourite park… Where you and your partner had your first kiss … or even a spot in your own garden. Take a moment to just be. Later on this can become your spot to run to when you need to feel close to your baby. 

Book a maternity shoot
I realize this would be a very emotional photo shoot but just know that you can still have one. If you don’t feel right going to a studio, ask an artistic friend to take the photos. 

Buy them a few special items
I’m not suggesting you spend these precious last days shopping, but picking up a teddy bear or blankie that you can use at their birth will make them more meaningful. 

Above all, remember to be gentle with yourself as you navigate the impossible. Don’t hesitate to contact us if you'd like more ideas. 

With love,

From Michael

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